What If Your Last Conversation Was Your Last [and you didn’t know it]

(4:20am, Mar. 4, the morning we brought Nancy home from Emory)

I looked at her lying there in the low light of the Emory University Hospital room, so very quiet and still. I wanted so for her to wake up right then, smile that familiar face and say in her whispery voice, “Hey.”
But she had been rendered silent by that insidious monster, CJD (Crutchfeldt-Jakob Disease). I had kept constant vigil over her for the past four weeks as she was driven downward from complete lucidity to comatose.
How I hate all the acronyms that interrupt our otherwise beautiful English language, I thought. But, where in hell had something called Crutchfeldt-Jakob Disease come from to take away my Nancy! Answer me, dammit! Careful, lest the suffocating, frustrated anger that had me hugging myself was being directed at her. But, never at my precious, precious Nancy.
Hot anger turned to cold as I realized my greatest fear since this all began: I would never again hear that one-of-a kind-Nancy Robinson laugh, nor hear her utter any words – we would never again speak to each other and she would never again hear my incessant reminders, “I love you”… so many never-agains to come.

The room came back into focus. This is reality. Our tears are falling together on my heart, yet no sounds are heard and I am drowning. The silence has formed a bubble that surrounds my entire mind.
But my conscious mind is empty because my Nancy is no longer with me and I can never, ever fill that void with her again! Alas, she lives on forever in my heart, in our children, so vividly in my memories…
O God, I said out loud, I can’t remember what we said in that conversation that had become our last conversation.

Nancy: My Giving Tree

Nancy-My Giving Tree

Observations on a Sunday Morning (Sept 30, 2007)

Observations on a Sunday Morning

I fear for the well-being of this nation as…
1. The oil interests here and in the Middle East continue strangling the economy of our petroleum-dependent society, while systematically preventing development of alternative fuels.
2. Young people become aware they are being knowingly recruited by political leaders who were themselves put in power by unbridled money interests to ensure our patriots fight their wars so such oil interests can sustain control over oil reserves as they rapidly run out! Where will we turn for our armies when genuine threats to our security arise?
3. Those with wealth complete the dismantling of our manufacturing infrastructure, shifting instead to China and a broad base of underdeveloped, but developing countries—we can’t export most of the services that increasingly dominate our jobs base.
4. China is said to graduate 500,000 engineers each year while the US graduates only 60,000 – they have more honor students in engineering than we have students!
5. The long-standing strength of our middle class is eliminated as the rich become richer and the rest are forced downward by out-of-control health care costs, cost of home ownership, and increasing obsolescence of their job skills.
6. We in America fail to recognize [or ignore] the lessons of history that are fast repeating themselves here to our peril. It’s been 332 years since we declared our independence. Consider what happened in relatively shorter periods to Egypt, Persia, Rome, the Dutch, British, French, Germans –while today, modern China is on the move and we are in decline…

When the objective observer listens to him today, it is evident there’s nobody else in America today who can come to close to matching the intellect and judgment of President Clinton… where will the next super leader come from and when? Maybe, Breck, someday.